To prove I am still in command of all your actions I want you to go backin to your bedroom put on your full make up and paint your toe/fingernails and skype me saying the words ' I can't wait to have my new vaginaand feel like a real girl"I hung up and said to myself that there is no way I am doing that butfound myself opening my vanity case. I couldn't stop myself applyingfoundation, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick. I amazed myself at howexpertly I did this. I then applied ruby red nail polish to my nails.Defeated I booted up the computer and skyped Luke, who was grinning witha self satisfied look.Luke - Why hello Jessica and don't you look pretty, Have you gotsomething to say to me?Me - (although trying to fight it) I can't wait to have my new vagina andfeel like a real girl.Luke - That's so sweet. You will make a very pretty girl. I have onefinal surprise for you. Samantha and Emma are your new best friends.They have been very supportive of you change and have travelled. ' Every time I returned to the mainland, the colours jumbled my brain - after the endless icy monochrome wastes, I found myself endlessly dazzled and constantly confused. It was early autumn and the leaves had never burned so red, had never turned so golden. The grass between the silver-barked trees grew stunningly green; the wheat in the distant fields shone garishly yellow. It was like regaining my sight. I walked for hours, drinking it in, luxuriating in the welcoming warmth of the waning sun. The tender breeze was beautifully benign and carried myriad mingled scents. Insects buzzed. Hovering birds sang. Cows mooed and distant dogs barked. Weighed down by a mass of sensory information, I sank to my knees beside a sandstone stile, my eyes closed, my ears covered, till I regained a semblance of control. At that moment, I thought of Mia, my darling Mia, trapped on the slowly-flowing ice amid a total white-out, a blasting, withering blizzard, with only the relatively flimsy shelter.
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